It’s hard not to marinate in this discourse for a decade or more (which about as long as “ironic misandry” has been a thing online) and not feel pessimistic about the ability for two people to have the mutual trust that makes real emotional Intimacy and romantic love possible.
I know it’s 90% LARPing on the part of these ladies saying they fear men more than bears, but it’s easy to see how a sensitive young straight man could look at that and cocoon themselves in video games and porn rather than subject himself to all that fear and contempt.
My last GF got noticeably distant when she discovered I had listened to Joe Rogan on Spotify. Its exhausting, I’ve barely dated in the last 16 months since we broke up. An absolutely staggering amount of profiles telling me what I have to believe politically to go out with them and I’m an independent so I can’t win. Although it mostly seems to be liberal women who care.
I once was mere inches from a bear at a zoo, separated only by a chain link fence. I could see his nostrils quivering as he caught my scent. Then he started drooling. Yeah, I would pick the man over the bear every time.
Exhibit 100,343,564 in "Social media is a stupid, stupid place full of vicious, insufferable hypocrites who are completely full of shit about many things."
I think the man vs bear thing is silly, but I also feel you are significantly underestimating the actual existence of actual women who actually, yes, really do fear men that much.
Discounting intimate partner violence (which I have also experienced), I have been mugged by a man who was a stranger to me (I was walking with a friend, also a man, who took the brunt of the considerable violence, but I was certainly terrified by proxy — my friend ended up in the ICU) and then I was singled out by a another male stranger to be stalked over the course of months including multiple attempts to break into my apartment for the purposes of (confirmed later when he was caught) sexually assaulting me.
I accordingly avoid walking anywhere after dark, and when I must (I live in a northern city, so any activity after 5pm during the winter involves SOME walking alone, if only from my car to my apartment), I carry a Taser. Actually I carry the Taser all of the time. Sometimes I walk with my hand on the grip. If I’m not walking with my hand on my Taser, I often use a panic button app on my phone — I walk with the button pressed down, and if I were to release my grip, the app would call 911 for me. I don’t use online dating apps. I generally avoid any form of “meeting up with people I met online” unless I am SURE they are women and even then I do so in very public places. I do sometimes go to a bar alone as a substitute for dating apps, and am careful about watching my drink, never drinking too much, not being followed out the door, etc. I study martial arts and self defense. I even avoid getting into an elevator alone with a man who is a stranger to me.
Idk, are those enough actions to demonstrate that my fear is real? And am I really that much of an outlier? I just don’t think I am.
Thank you for sharing your perspective. I think fear of men can make sense, at least in certain contexts. Men are generally much stronger than women. That's a core vulnerability difference. But the chatter online usually seems to me to fall under hatred cloaked in irony, not actual fear. I admit it can be hard to tell the difference through a screen, but I know some groups do hate men and this muddies the waters, too.
Yes you are an outlier, in some senses. The liklihood of being the victim of a violent crime is fairly low, at a population level. Of course, being out late at night, in certain cities/neighborhoods, in smaller groups, while intoxicated massively increases those chances, which you clearly recognize.
Your fear is real in the sense that I believe you truly feel it and act accordingly but at the same time, I think you overestimate your risk levels. The point being: the existence of your experience does not validate the overall fear of men propagated on the internet.
But at the same time, that shouldn't diminish that there are risks that you see. I think this is like crime in Chicago. One side points to blatent examples of lawlessness, the other to population-wide statistics. Knowing that crime is overall rare is of course cold comfort to the victim.
Neither fact invalidates the other nor fully illustrates reality.
Yeah, during the height of MeToo, shortly before I ran screaming from Twitter entirely (around 2018), I remember posts going around that men should cross the street to avoid a woman they see coming so as not to frighten them. And that statement definitely includes some non-progressive racial implications in the event it's a Black man approaching a white woman on the sidewalk.
lol my very biased experience of the demographic would lead me to suspect that any Asian man following me from the train station is most likely giving chase with intent to remind me to ZIP UP YOUR COAT or ISN’T YOUR HEAD COLD WITHOUT A HAT or perhaps YOU FORGOT YOUR MITTENS!
In 2020, my granddaughter had a sore throat, we thought it was Covid. The clinic told us to come back when they set up a time to see her. So we drove around. Went to the little Catholic monastery that's now a college, and walked thru the quiet little cemetery up on the hill overlooking the river, where the nuns are buried. A number of my old high school teachers. At the edge of the campus was a huge flock of turkeys. Granddaughter got out & chased them, yelling at them in turkey as they scurried away. gobble, gobble
Isn't this simply a pure example of why social media is addictive and rotten? It allows for a consequence free escape to a fantasy that is completely disconnected from reality, and it does that with other real humans, thus reinforcing the validity (as it were) of the fantasy.
There is a well known Canadian novel, Bear by Marian Engel. It tells the story of a woman who has a sexual relationship with a bear. It won the Governor Generals's Award in 1976.
It’s hard not to marinate in this discourse for a decade or more (which about as long as “ironic misandry” has been a thing online) and not feel pessimistic about the ability for two people to have the mutual trust that makes real emotional Intimacy and romantic love possible.
I know it’s 90% LARPing on the part of these ladies saying they fear men more than bears, but it’s easy to see how a sensitive young straight man could look at that and cocoon themselves in video games and porn rather than subject himself to all that fear and contempt.
My last GF got noticeably distant when she discovered I had listened to Joe Rogan on Spotify. Its exhausting, I’ve barely dated in the last 16 months since we broke up. An absolutely staggering amount of profiles telling me what I have to believe politically to go out with them and I’m an independent so I can’t win. Although it mostly seems to be liberal women who care.
Last year I encountered a bear at a cabin in California.
I was on the porch filming the surroundings then a brown bear ambles up under the stairs.
My voice immediately starts quavering "B-b-b-bear! Bear!"
My palms go sweaty, I freeze but want to run, I forgot everything I knew about bears!
I back into the cabin, shaking hardly remembering how to use a door knob.
I was SCARED. If you've heard accounts of Bear attacks, they are brutal and they take a long, long time. They scalp you with their teeth!
In my everyday life I am frequently only inches away from men all the time. But I wouldn't go into a grocery store full of bears.
This bear discourse is annoying and disingenuous to me. 🐻
I once was mere inches from a bear at a zoo, separated only by a chain link fence. I could see his nostrils quivering as he caught my scent. Then he started drooling. Yeah, I would pick the man over the bear every time.
Exhibit 100,343,564 in "Social media is a stupid, stupid place full of vicious, insufferable hypocrites who are completely full of shit about many things."
*the man vs bears stuff, not your post
Do I have prep time for the turkey fight?
No, but you each get a baster.
It just shows that a small group of (young) women do not know either men or bears.
I think the man vs bear thing is silly, but I also feel you are significantly underestimating the actual existence of actual women who actually, yes, really do fear men that much.
Discounting intimate partner violence (which I have also experienced), I have been mugged by a man who was a stranger to me (I was walking with a friend, also a man, who took the brunt of the considerable violence, but I was certainly terrified by proxy — my friend ended up in the ICU) and then I was singled out by a another male stranger to be stalked over the course of months including multiple attempts to break into my apartment for the purposes of (confirmed later when he was caught) sexually assaulting me.
I accordingly avoid walking anywhere after dark, and when I must (I live in a northern city, so any activity after 5pm during the winter involves SOME walking alone, if only from my car to my apartment), I carry a Taser. Actually I carry the Taser all of the time. Sometimes I walk with my hand on the grip. If I’m not walking with my hand on my Taser, I often use a panic button app on my phone — I walk with the button pressed down, and if I were to release my grip, the app would call 911 for me. I don’t use online dating apps. I generally avoid any form of “meeting up with people I met online” unless I am SURE they are women and even then I do so in very public places. I do sometimes go to a bar alone as a substitute for dating apps, and am careful about watching my drink, never drinking too much, not being followed out the door, etc. I study martial arts and self defense. I even avoid getting into an elevator alone with a man who is a stranger to me.
Idk, are those enough actions to demonstrate that my fear is real? And am I really that much of an outlier? I just don’t think I am.
Thank you for sharing your perspective. I think fear of men can make sense, at least in certain contexts. Men are generally much stronger than women. That's a core vulnerability difference. But the chatter online usually seems to me to fall under hatred cloaked in irony, not actual fear. I admit it can be hard to tell the difference through a screen, but I know some groups do hate men and this muddies the waters, too.
Yes you are an outlier, in some senses. The liklihood of being the victim of a violent crime is fairly low, at a population level. Of course, being out late at night, in certain cities/neighborhoods, in smaller groups, while intoxicated massively increases those chances, which you clearly recognize.
Your fear is real in the sense that I believe you truly feel it and act accordingly but at the same time, I think you overestimate your risk levels. The point being: the existence of your experience does not validate the overall fear of men propagated on the internet.
But at the same time, that shouldn't diminish that there are risks that you see. I think this is like crime in Chicago. One side points to blatent examples of lawlessness, the other to population-wide statistics. Knowing that crime is overall rare is of course cold comfort to the victim.
Neither fact invalidates the other nor fully illustrates reality.
My other concern is how many people in the digital artist community have such bloody fantasy along with pronouns and flag and 🔞.
Cannibalism here made a popular post because the man is very positively Northern European.
Ooooo- I would have loved to see the reaction if dinner was darker. Bet a lot fewer likes!
Yeah, during the height of MeToo, shortly before I ran screaming from Twitter entirely (around 2018), I remember posts going around that men should cross the street to avoid a woman they see coming so as not to frighten them. And that statement definitely includes some non-progressive racial implications in the event it's a Black man approaching a white woman on the sidewalk.
Hence Schumer/Dunham made this joke: "A man was following me from the station. Never mind, he's Asian."
Some Asian Americans were offended for uncertain reasons, but I feel vindicated.
lol my very biased experience of the demographic would lead me to suspect that any Asian man following me from the train station is most likely giving chase with intent to remind me to ZIP UP YOUR COAT or ISN’T YOUR HEAD COLD WITHOUT A HAT or perhaps YOU FORGOT YOUR MITTENS!
possibly in July. I wouldn’t put it past y’all 😉
In 2020, my granddaughter had a sore throat, we thought it was Covid. The clinic told us to come back when they set up a time to see her. So we drove around. Went to the little Catholic monastery that's now a college, and walked thru the quiet little cemetery up on the hill overlooking the river, where the nuns are buried. A number of my old high school teachers. At the edge of the campus was a huge flock of turkeys. Granddaughter got out & chased them, yelling at them in turkey as they scurried away. gobble, gobble
Isn't this simply a pure example of why social media is addictive and rotten? It allows for a consequence free escape to a fantasy that is completely disconnected from reality, and it does that with other real humans, thus reinforcing the validity (as it were) of the fantasy.
There is a well known Canadian novel, Bear by Marian Engel. It tells the story of a woman who has a sexual relationship with a bear. It won the Governor Generals's Award in 1976.
Why are they eating the grossest parts?